What one thing could you start doing, that would make a difference to your team?

Something simple, that requires very little time or effort.

Something that gives something to others yet costs you nothing.

 Maybe you’ve heard about it before.  It’s called “Appreciation”.

You may be thinking, “I already appreciate people. They know I do”.  

Let me invite you to think about that for a moment, to think about how you let people know you appreciate them, what you say and when you say it. Does it tend to be about work they’ve done, a project they’ve completed, a deadline achieved?

I’d like share with you a simple change that can make a big difference.

What I’m inviting you to do is that when you notice someone doing something good, or when you see a quality you admire in them, that you tell them what you appreciate about them. About the quality you see in them.  

Maybe you’ve noticed their resilience or their energy.  

Or you appreciate their commitment or their humour.  

What is different is that you’re telling them a quality you notice and admire. It is different from offerring feedback on what they’ve done, on their work. You appreciate what you see in them, and you tell them.  

 There is no need to make it a big public announcement. Keep it simple.  You could try this out by saying something you appreciate about a person at the end of a conversation. A word or two of appreciation. You don’t need to explain or justify why you’re saying it.

Trust me, it will still have an impact even if it is very brief. 

They’ll hear what you say you admire, without the need for you to explain it.

Be sincere.  And see what happens.

What difference does it make?

When you appreciate someone, they feel “seen”, noticed.

When people feel appreciated, it encourages them.

When they feel respected, it motivates them.

It builds their confidence, and self-esteem.

It makes them feel better.

And it will help them think better.

If you’re lucky, you work with people whom you admire and appreciate. Whether leading a team or engaging with colleagues, you probably are often impressed by the quality of people’s work, and all they achieve. You probably say “thank you” to people regularly, telling them you’re grateful for all they’ve done.

Is there something you could you do to build on that?

What if you started appreciating everyone on your team, when you notice a unique quality in them?

Noticing what you admire and saying it. In real time, when you observe it.

What difference could it make for them?

What difference would it make for you?

What might be stopping you from doing this?  

Maybe you assume that people already know that you appreciate them and you’re

too busy to waste time on it.

Maybe you think it would feel odd or uncomfortable to start offering words of appreciation, or that people might think it was strange.

Let me offer you another way to look at it, a different perspective.

It won’t take you long to offer a word or two of appreciation to someone.

It doesn’t need to involve an explanation.

Being specific and timely, and succinct, is what matters.  

It might feel different or strange at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it.

You’ll find you enjoy doing it.

It’s like giving a gift.

And just like when we receive a gift, the best way to respond when someone appreciates you is to simply say “Thank You”.

As for the person already knowing you appreciate them, how could they know what you admire about them, or the quality you’ve noticed, if you haven’t said it to them?

And what could change for them, and for you, if you told them?

Try it and see what happens.

Be sincere. No need to embellish it. No need to gift wrap it.

And notice the difference it can make to someone.

When I work with teams, showing them how they can create a Thinking Environment, appreciation is one of the Ten Components we talk about. In my Transforming Meetings Programme , you can learn how to create conditions that enable people have more productive discussions, and access each other’s best thinking. This experiental programme builds a team’s capacity to be more collaborative and innovative.

If you’d like your team to experience and develop these skills, talk to me..

What difference can it make for you, if you start appreciating people?

As a leader, building appreciation into your interactions can help create an atmosphere of psychological safety for the team. When people have a sense of safety, they are more likely to admit to mistakes and more inclined to admit and learn from failure. When they feel free from judgement, they are more likely to take risks, which can build a culture of innovation.

If you create a team culture where people feel heard and understood, it helps to build stronger working relationships and connections.  Introducing an appreciative way of being with others can become contagious. Team members may start noticing what they admire in each other, and appreciation can become part of a culture of how you interact.  

When you shift towards positive appreciation, it may lead you to focus less on what is negative, and to pay attention to people in a different way. Noticing positive qualities in others will build your understanding and awareness of them and strengthen the levels of trust in your relationships. Having more trust in relationships creates a stronger foundation for how you work together and can help with conversations, such as performance conversations.

What is it that causes people to dread performance conversations?

What can make them uncomfortable or unsatisfactory experiences?

Every organisation has its own approach to how performance is managed, usually linked to a Business Plan model, with objectives and targets. Being clear about organisational goals and linking them to team and personal objectives helps people understand the part they play in the organisation’s success.

I’m not suggesting that a word or two of appreciation could or should replace performance conversations. What you can do, though, is appreciate people regularly throughout the year, as you notice something good they’ve done, so that you build a foundation of trust and respect for other more structured conversations.

Is there anything else that could help improve Performance Conversations?

We have all probably experienced at some stage, either as a manager or as an employee, a performance conversation where we were unhappy with the experience or the outcome. 

There can be many reasons for this. The discomfort or unease could come from the atmosphere in the meeting, the way it was set up, or from a feeling of not being heard.  

Sometimes, the conversation can feel challenging because of the content being covered, or the feedback being given. There might be tension in the room because of how the feedback is communicated or responded to.

Maybe it all seems rushed, or it feels one-way, with no time for meaningful discussion.

It might seem as if a box is being ticked, or that the format is overly directive, lacking an opportunity for reflection and learning.

What could you change that might lead to better outcomes? 

Among the Ten Components of a Thinking Environment, there are other conditions (as well as Appreciation) that could help you make a difference to these conversations. If you’re planning to meet someone for a performance conversation, thinking in advance about conditions like Place, Ease, and Attention may improve your chance of having a successful outcome.

Think about the place where the conversation will happen. Will it be in at a time and in a place where the person you’re meeting will feel at ease, where confidentiality is assured?  Can you ensure there will be no distractions or interruptions, and avoid the disruption that can come from either of you receiving texts or phone calls?

If the conversation can’t happen in person and needs to take place online, are there any technical challenges to take account of ?

How can you set up the meeting so that you can give them your undivided attention? An effective way to let someone know you’re paying attention and listening to them well is through your eye contact. Even if you’re meeting online, try and maintain eye contact so they can see that you’re paying attention.

How could you make it an easeful experience, where neither of you feels rushed?

Even if there are time constraints, can you factor in time to ask questions and to listen well, and also time to reflect and to learn? By listening well, and not interrupting the person as they talk, you’ll be giving them a better opportunity to think about their performance and their potential for development. We often gain insights as we hear ourselves say what we think, especially when we are not interrupted and we can finish our train of thought.

Are you prepared to listen to understand, rather than listening to reply? Can you allow time for them to think and respond to your questions without feeling the need to evaluate or judge what they’re saying as you’re listening?

Consider beforehand if you are making any assumptions about what they will say or how they will react during the conversation. Question your own assumptions; they may not always be true.

Open the conversation by acknowledging what’s gone well and what you appreciate in them.

You could then ask what they think of their own performance, what they are most pleased about or most proud of.

Asking questions can create a different atmosphere, and inviting someone to answer a question can help focus their attention  

As Nancy Kline has said, “the mind works best in the presence of a question”. Responding to a question can help us gain insights and learn. And from learning can come our growth and development.

If you can create an easeful environment for a performance conversation, it’s more likely to have a successful outcome.

When people feel criticised or under pressure, or are fearful, they think less clearly. Brain science tells us that the brain reacts to feelings of fear or threat, as the amygdala is hijacked, and it causes us to think less well.

When we are at ease, we’re more likely to think well, to think creatively, to shift our perspective, to learn.  

When people feel safe, they will be more likely to talk about what needs to improve, or areas for growth and development.

Having conversations where people know you’re genuinely interested, will help you discover more.

By listening well, you can inspire and encourage them. By appreciating them, you can build their energy and enthusiasm.

And by appreciating people throughout the year, as you notice what’s good, you’ll be encouraging them to build on the qualities you admire.

If you want to take a fresh approach as a leader in 2022, take a moment to offer a word or two of Appreciation and see what happens….

If you’d like to learn more about developing these skills for you and your team, get in touch.